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Qurba 1968

Forty-five years ago, (1969) my aunt Sylvia (Mother’s sister) passed away in Beirut, Lebanon at a distance of some 360 miles from Cairo. Five years, earlier, her sister, Alice, died in her arms, in Cairo, from brain tumour.  But when my aunt Sylvia flew to God, in 1969, mom unveiled her heart’s anguish to me. She said, “I wish I was next to her, just like I was with Alice.” The heart-warming stories that mom recounted to me about auntie Alice’s departure, in 1964 and at the age of twelve, stirred my senses and made me far more perceptive of separation than a few of my age. 

Ramleh 2012

Délices 2011

 

But her statement in 1969, lamenting her distance from auntie Sylvia, broke my heart. I succumbed to a depression and, one day soon, in Alexandria (funny enough) while listening to the Moody Blues’ song Nights-in-White-Satin, I prayed passionately to God that when the turn came for dad and mom to fly to Him, they did so in my arms. And I prayed; and I prayed for years.

In 1975, my baby brother Kamal passed away in Alexandria at a distance of 200 kilometres from where I was, in Cairo. Luckily, mom and dad were with him; while my sister Gloria, cousin Ziza and I were waling in Cairo. I felt horrible, as I had not asked God to have my baby brother Kamal (Kamkam) pass in my arms, when it was his time, as I had done for my parents. I never thought baby brothers died before their elder ones! Yet again, I thought I was too romantic to imagine that had I asked, for it, I would have received it.

Alexandria 2011

In 1978, dad passed in my arms at 7 am (in the Italian Hospital of Cairo) and the night before, while he was speechless waiting for God to whisper to him, when He willed, he (dad) signalled to me for my hand and I gave it to him, imagining what he was about to do. And he did! He kissed my hand while I stood numb. 

“Are you giving me your blessings, dad?” I asked in loving humour.

“Yes”, he nodded, in serious and deep love. I hugged him.

A week earlier, my friend from Swissair, Cairo, (Nabil) told me:

“Tell him I love you”.

”Come-on, I said!”

“Do you love him?” said Nabil

“Of course, I do, but this is too corny!”

“Then just tell him and you will thank me one day.”

I did so, seconds before he had asked for my hand.  Now I remember it all. But I forgot then, that I had asked God to grant me that wish. I think He forgave me under the circumstances. I thanked Nabil, though!

At three in the morning on January 16, 2014 (this year), I woke-up with a whiff of fresh air and Mom’s favourite perfume from Lancôme, puffing my sleeping head. I woke up disturbed and did not want to wake up Laila (sorry Laila). I rushed in my car, half awake and unshaven. I reached mom’s Senior Home at 3.30 AM where she was waiting with eyes wide open. I hugged her but she was too frail to ask for my hand. She threw kisses from her mouth and at 7 AM screamed, gently, to me.

“Gloria?  You mean my sister Gloria, my love?” She nodded, yes!

I rushed and called her at 7.30 am and she was there at 8 with Zaki; just until mom departed to God, at 9.27AM. I forgot to thank God for granting me my wish of 1969 and lost my breath.

Instead, I kept praying for her, dad and Kamal

Montreal 2008

Alexandria 1963

 

Montreal 2010

I kept praying, until last week when I entered one of the shopping malls that was preparing the 2014 Christmas decorations and playing old nostalgic Christmas carols and songs. And I saw families walking with their parents and grand parents. 

Suddenly, just as I was about to plunge into nostalgia, I smiled as I watched one of them pushing his grand-ma in a wheelchair. I, then, laughed and remembered that we did it all; my sister, late brother, brother-in-law, nephews and nieces and so many more. Then I smiled and looked to the ceiling were there was a glass window. I aimed at the sky, though the distant window, and remembered to give thanks. “Thank you Rabbi, for granting my wishes and I am so sorry I am late in doing so.” After this moment, I decided to continue pushing some wheelchairs, at the Senior Home where I have been working since almost two years, just until I can retire, for good and go back to creating music.

Thank you Rabbi!

Agamy 2012

Rafik